OTruths
by xylomophone96
Summary: We've all read them: the dreaded OT journeyfic. Usually with the misunderstood or precocious youngster who ends up being "special" and sets out on a pokemon journey to fight a criminal organisation, save the world and become the Champ, unless the author gives up by Chapter 9. Here's what happens when you take a "special" OT, drop some truth bombs and pit her against the author.
1. Important

**A/N: Welcome to #OTruths, the fanfic for cynics. If you're sick of reading clichéd journeyfics, take a look at this one. Might be worth a few lols. I was quite drunk when I wrote it, but the grammar holds up well in the cold light of sober. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 1: Important

* * *

"Alright! Today's the day I get to become a pokemon trainer!" cried Jane Surname as she bounded down the stairs, unaware that this sentence sounded a lot more ridiculous in a text-based medium than in a feel-good episode of the anime. For her destiny had been decided ever since the author plucked her out of literary obscurity and altered her personality, wants, hopes, fears and dreams to suit the story. Surname grabbed her miniature backpack that had the inexplicable ability to store an endless number of large and heavy items. Grasping for the door handle, she skipped merrily out the door, without a second glance to her father, who lay grieving over the deathbed of Jane's cancer-stricken mother. But, hey, when an author alters your entire personality, who are you to object? As the door swung shut, Jane's unnamed parents disappeared into a nearby black hole of narrative irrelevance.

* * *

Jane arrived at school, with all her classmates. Due to the recent uprising of fanfics attempting to inject a sense of reality into their stories, school had apparently become a thing. As if a literary homing beacon had been placed over Jane's head, out of nowhere popped her very best friend Krystal-Anne Summers, with a K.

"Oh, hey, Krystal-Anne!" cried Jane, who seemed only capable of crying her dialogue.

"Hi, Jane!" Krystal-Anne, a serial-"said-ist", said. "Are you ready to meet your new pokemon partner?"

"You bet!" Jane exclaimed, switching up her expression of dialogue a little. "Oh my Arceus, I wonder if I'll get that treecko I've always wanted!" she added dreamily, simultaneously establishing that she lived in Hoenn and that humans inexplicably referred to Arceus, a pokemon, as their god, as was the way for so many fanfics of late.

"Well, we'd better get inside now!" said an unimportant, unnamed classmate. "I want to hear the results of the test. Remember that the nine highest scorers in the class get to choose one of those three starter pokemon, of which there are three sets!"

"Thanks for the smoothly-interpolated exposition, random classmate!" giggled Jane. "Have a terrific day!"

The random classmate smiled as he vanished into the previously-mentioned black hole of irrelevance. As if on cue, the school bell rang to signal the beginning of the school day.

"Oh, I hope you get your treecko, Jane!" Krystal-Anne said as they took their seats. "I'm so nervous for you that I haven't spared a thought to my own hopes, wants, dreams and fears."

"Well, gee, Krystal-Anne, that's mighty kind of you!" Jane replied, beaming.

Krystal-Anne's smile faltered slightly, as if she had been expecting some form of affirmation from Jane that they shared an equal stake in their circumstances and that she was not simply a subservient supporting player. A sudden jolt from the author strengthened her resolve. "Oh, don't mind silly old me, Jane," she assured her, simultaneously raising the pedestal upon which the main character sat and reaffirming her kindness to readers with all the subtlety of a chainsaw.

The teacher walked in. His name was Mr Smith and that is all the reader needs to know. "Attention, class!" he called. "I will now reveal the results of the trainer test and the nine winners of Professor Birch's prized pokemon."

The entire class sat up straight. Krystal-Anne looked at Jane expectantly.

"They are," began Mr Smith, "Sally Smart, Robert Tough, Kelly Intelligent…"

 _Please pick me, please pick me, please pick me_ , Jane thought to herself.

"…John Strong, Matthew Clever, Andrew 100%..."

Jane Surname took a moment to question the silliness of someone having a percentage as their surname. The author bit his tongue.

"…Kate Kawaii, Tom Fullmarks and Anna Studious," finished Mr Smith. "Congratulations! The nine of you get to choose one of the three special pokemon that Professor Birch has for you."

Jane was stunned. What had just happened? Why had her name not been called out? Surely there was a mistake.

"Um, Mr Smith?" Jane asked, raising her hand. "I think you've forgotten somebody."

Mr Smith double-checked the list. "Uh, no, Jane. I definitely called out nine names."

"Um, Mr Smith?" Jane asked again, her hand still raised. "I think you forgot to call out my name."

Mr Smith tripled-checked the list. "Uh, no, Jane. I definitely did not forget to call out your name."

"Um, Mr Smith?" Jane asked a third time, her hand still raised. "Surely I should be on that list?"

Mr Smith quadruple-checked the list. "Uh, no, Jane. You are surely not on the list."

The world began to shrink around Jane. "But- but… _but I'm the main character!_ " How can I miss out on a rare pokemon?" she cried, incredulous. "I'm supposed to be the greatest trainer the world has ever seen!"

"Well, you may think that, Jane," explained Mr Smith. "However, the truth is that there are thousands, _tens_ of thousands of fanfics out there with a precocious and charismatic original character such as yourself. Inexplicably, they all seem to have the same dream: to be the greatest trainer the world has ever seen."

Jane snorted. What on earth was Mr Smith talking about? "But _I'm_ the main character."

"Yes," Mr Smith replied. "In _this_ story."

"What do you mean, 'in _this_ story?'" Jane said, shocked.

"Like I said," continued Mr Smith, "There are other fanfics out there that have their own main characters. Plucked from literary obscurity, their names are either extremely common, such as Jane Surname, or extremely rare and nonsensical."

"Um, Mr Smith? May I go to the bathroom?" asked a classmate.

"Of course, Alopecia Turquoise. Now hurry along," answered Mr Smith. He turned back to Jane. "The point is: all of these nine trainers who scored the highest on the test are all main characters in their own fanfiction."

"But how can _all_ of them be the greatest trainer the world has ever seen?" Jane cried. "Only one person can do that!"

"Quite right," explained Mr Smith. "In fact, many of these trainers will receive their starter pokemon and likely stay in a state of literary hiatus, due to the writer losing interest after one chapter and a scathing but honest and warranted review from Farla. Some continue for a while, usually four to five chapters at a time before giving up for several months. This pattern continues until the author passes at least ten chapters. Usually, the story is discontinued and unfinished, the irony of which is not lost on the current author."

It was all too much for Jane. In a whirlwind of plot inconsistencies and the author giving up after one chapter, she passed out.


	2. Black Holes of Narrative Irrelevance

**A/N: So, unfortunately for the fanfic community, this didn't stay a one-shot. Alas, I'm continuing with it (for now). In this chapter, we explore the consequences of an omnipotent author. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 2: Black Holes of Narrative Irrelevance

* * *

Minutes later, (written eight months later in real-time) Jane opened her cerulean eyes (whoops) _orbs_. Krystal-Anne was standing over her, worried.

"What… happened?" Jane asked, rubbing her head.

"You passed out, Jane," answered Krystal-Anne. "Right after Mr Smith told you about the starter pokémon."

"Oh. That's right," Jane mumbled. "I can't believe he said that about me! How does he know I'm not the greatest trainer the world has ever seen?"

"I know, right?" Krystal-Anne said, fawningly. "He's so wrong about you, Jane. You're the best trainer I know, even if you're not even a Trainer yet!"

"Thanks for the unwavering and illogical support, K," Jane smiled, attempting to appear more down-to-earth and likeable by referring to her best friend as a letter. She looked around. "Where are we, anyway?"

"Mr Smith's office," answered Krystal-Anne. "He and I carried you over here to recover. We didn't want to leave you in the classroom like that and-"

But Jane wasn't listening. She spotted something curious on the teacher's desk. It was a book of some sort. It was embossed in silver and written in gold.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing to the book. Krystal-Anne shrugged in response.

Looking closely at it, Jane read the title: _#OTruths_ by xylomophone96. "OTruths? What's that?" she wondered. Opening the book, she skimmed the first page. It read:

 _"#OTruths or Original Trainer Truths_ _tells the story of Jane Surname, a precocious youngster who is deemed narratively "special" and is set on a journey to become the greatest trainer in the world. Little does she know that she is about to be dropped some serious truth bombs about the true nature of journeyfics and Original Trainers."_

Jane closed the book, perplexed. "What is this? Some kind of… book about _me?_ "

"I guess so," Krystal-Anne said. "This _xylomophone96_ seems to be the author of your story."

"And he's dictated that my story is going to be a complete failure?!" cried Jane. It had been a very trying morning for her, and crying dialogue was her go-to expression when she was feeling lazy. "No way am I gonna stand by and let that happen."

"But… wait, what are you gonna do?!" Krystal-Anne asked fearfully.

"The only thing I can do," replied Jane firmly. "I have to find this xylomophone and kill him so that I can write my own story."

"Um, OK," said Krystal-Anne. "But why don't you just cross out what he's written in here and just write it yours- AAAAAAAAAH!" Krystal-Anne screamed as she was sucked into yet another black hole of narrative irrelevance before she could spoil the villain's weakness.

"It's settled then," Jane continued, oblivious to the sudden writing-out of her best friend. "I'll find my own pokémon partner, set out on a journey, challenge the gym leaders, beat the Champion and become strong enough to hunt down this xylomophone and kill him once and for all!"

* * *

The first thing Jane had to do was to find a pokémon to start her journey. Thanks to the efforts of the author, she was stuck without one.

"Never mind that," Jane said confidently, to no one in particular, "I'll set out and catch one myself!"

However, the author had other plans. Thanks to the author's initiative, all of the wild pokémon around Littleroot Town had been sucked into their own respective black holes of narrative irrelevance. Jane spent the entire afternoon skipping school to search high and low for a pokémon to no avail.

However, as luck (and the author) would have it, Jane's bad luck finally came to an end when she stumbled across a shallow pond, whereupon she found a weakened wild pokémon.

"Oh, wow! A pokémon!" Jane cried. "And a conveniently-placed poké ball beside it as well! Gee, what luck!" Without a second thought, she grabbed the conveniently-placed poke ball and tossed it at the pokémon in the pond. After a few seconds of tense wobbling, the poke ball sealed shut and Jane had her first partner.

"All right!" cried Jane, as the camera made a slow pan from her feet up to a full body shot, "My first pokémon! I wonder what it is."

Tossing out her new partner, Jane watched with bated breath. What could it be? It had to be a water-type, considering she found it in a pond. Was it a staryu? Or perhaps a squirtle?

It was a magikarp, flopping weakly in the pond once more. Jane's heart sank. "Oh boy, a magikarp," she mumbled sadly. "Thanks a lot for writing that one in, author."

No problem, Jane.

* * *

Little did the author know, that Jane was slowly beginning to learn traits about herself; traits that were outside of the shallowness that had been prescribed to her upon the author's initial brainstorm session.

In a cunning move, Jane went back to school and put her plan into motion.

"Oh, hello random classmate number two!" Jane said pleasantly, as a random classmate walked past. "Listen, have I got a deal for you! How would you like to make a trade?"

"A trade?" asked the random classmate. "What kind of trade?"

"How would you like this swell magikarp?" Jane offered. "It's an extremely powerful pokémon. All I want is 500 poké dollars in exchange."

"Really?" said the random classmate, beaming. "You've got yourself a deal, Jane!"

"Awesome!" Jane cried, smiling. She handed him the poké ball in exchange for the money. As soon as the deal was done, random classmate number two vanished in yet another black hole of narrative irrelevance.

 _Now it's time for step two_ , Jane thought, smiling to herself.

* * *

"Well, hello, Andrew 100%!" Jane started, sidling up to the winner of Professor Birch's prized pokémon. "I see you've got yourself a fine little treecko there. What say we make a little exchange, huh?"

"Well, I don't know, Jane," began Andrew. "But I might be willing to- AAAAAHHHHHH!" he screamed as he and his pokémon vanished into irrelevance.

"God DAMN IT!" screamed Jane.

* * *

Jane's plan was foiled at every turn. Every prize winner she sidled up to was written out of the story before she could trade for their pokémon. The best she could do was cash in her poke dollars for six poké balls. If she came across one, at least she could get it quickly.

 _This is ridiculous_ , Jane thought despairingly. _How am I supposed to find a pokémon if the author keeps blocking me at every turn?_

As if on cue, a wild ralts wandered around the corner. It turns out that the author had been quite selective about which pokémon to write out of the story. Unfortunately for him, ralts happened to be one of his more well-liked pokémon, hence his hesitation at writing it out.

"Ah-HA!" Jane exclaimed. Without hesitation, she threw one of her newly-acquired poké balls at the wild ralts. After a spell, the poké ball clicked and the pokémon now belonged to Jane.

"Finally!" Jane cried, jumping for joy. She held on tightly to the ball, waiting for the author to inevitably write it out of the story. He began to write. The poké ball vanished into a black hole of narrative irrele-

No! He couldn't do it! Not to poor little ralts!

With a sigh of defeat, he continued the story, allowing Jane to have her pokémon.

"Alright! Now let's get to it, Ralts!" said Jane, heading for Route 101.


	3. 1st Battle (Obligatory Exclamation Mark)

**A/N: We continue this miserable story of a miserably optimistic OT. Prepare for another epic truth bomb, Jane. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 3: 1st Battle (Obligatory Exclamation Mark)

* * *

Jane stepped out on to Route 101. She knew that Oldale Town was close by, with Petalburg and Rustboro City not too far after that. As soon as she and Ralts had trained up a bit, they would be ready for their first gym battle.

"Hey!" called a voice. "You've got a pokémon, right?"

Jane turned. A young boy, slightly younger than her stepped on to the trail in front of her.

"Oh, sure!" said Jane. "I'm Jane Surname and I'm going to be the greatest trainer the world has ever s-"

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard that from the last twenty trainers who set off from Littleroot, OK?" interrupted the boy. "They all say, 'I'm going to be the best trainer the world has ever seen!' They've always got weird names like Max Power or Amethyst Crystalia or Mary Sue. I don't get it. Anyway, not a single one of them spent more than an hour training here, understand? I wait here for battles because it's easy training for my pokémon."

Jane huffed. "Well, I'll show you just how good I am! Go, Ralts!"

Ralts jumped out, ready for battle.

The boy sighed. "Oh. Oh dear."

"What?" Jane asked, confused.

"Never mind," replied the boy, waving his hand. "Go, Metagross," he said glumly.

The poké ball wasn't exactly tossed out with gusto. If anything, it kind of drooped to the ground, like a sad old man. Out came the gargantuan steel-type.

Foolishly optimistic because that's the way she was intended to be written, Jane smirked with confidence. "We'll show you. Ralts, use confu-"

"Metagross. Hyper beam."

Ralts fainted.


	4. 2nd Battle (Obligatory Exclamation Mark)

**A/N: Oh dear. The misadventure continues (for the foreseeable now). I wouldn't exactly call this 4th-wall breaking, but it's breaking some kind of wall. Or maybe it's not a wall at all. The ceiling, perhaps? Something to think about. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 4: 2nd Battle (Obligatory Exclamation Mark)

* * *

Jane stepped out on to Route 101. She knew that Oldale Town was close by, with Petalburg and Rustboro City not too far after that. As soon as she and Ralts had trained up a bit, they would be ready for their first gym battle.

If only she could find a weak-enough trainer to fight.

At this point, she groaned and looked up at the sky. "Why have you done this to me, xylomophone?!" she screamed at the author.

Truth be told, it was well within the powers of the author to make pretty little Jane vanish into another one of his black holes of narrative irrelevance, if only to put a stop to this miserable charade. However, call it curiosity, but the author had become slightly fond of protagonist Jane's resilience in the face of challenging (read: impossible) odds. Perhaps it would be kinder to let the poor girl have a win once in a while, if only to see where the story led her.

"Very well, Jane," a voice in the sky boomed down at her. "The author has decided that you shall be granted the chance to challenge a reasonably beatable trainer."

"Really?" Jane cried in amazement. "Thanks!"

"On _one_ condition!" the voice boomed. "There is to be _no more crying or exclaiming of your dialogue_! Understood?"

"Of course!" Jane exclaim- cri- replied. "Thank you, voice in the sky!"

"Hey!" called a voice. "You've got a pokémon, right?"

Jane turned. A young boy, slightly younger than her stepped on to the trail in front of her.

"Hang on," Jane said. "Didn't we just battle ten minutes ago?"

The boy looked confused. "I'm confused," he said, confused. "I've never seen you before in my life."

"O-oh, OK," said Jane, uneasily. "Well, I'm Jane Surname and I'm going to be the greatest trainer the world has ever s-"

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard that from the last twenty trainers who set off from Littleroot, OK?" interrupted the boy. "They all say, 'I'm going to be the best trainer the world has ever seen!' They've always got weird names like Max Power or Amethyst Crystalia or Mary Sue. I don't get it. Anyway, not a single one of them spent more than an hour training here, understand? I wait here for battles because it's easy training for my pokémon."

Jane huffed, experiencing another sense of déjà vu. "Well, I'll show you just how good I am! Go, Ralts!"

Ralts jumped out, ready for battle.

The boy smiled. "A ralts, huh? Well, try this on for size. Go, Wurmple!"

The small bug burst out of its ball, squeaking pathetically.

"Ralts, use confusion!" Jane began.

"Wurmple, use string shot!" the boy shouted, pointing his finger and striking a power stance as the background turned purple and otherworldly, as if in some kind of television battle sequence.

Ralts hit first. Wurmple squeaked again as it levitated off the ground, terrified.

But Ralts couldn't sustain it. The attack weakened and Wurmple fell to the ground, barely affected.

The boy smirked. "Looks like you need to train up your ralts before you put it into a battle."

"I've been _TRYING_!" shrieked Jane, exasperated. "Ralts, hit it again, but put some more energy into it!"

"Hit it with a poison sting, Wurmple!" countered the boy.

Again, Ralts hit first. Wurmple was simply too slow. Once again, it levitated high above the field, frightened.

"Don't let it go, Ralts," Jane encouraged. "Take it higher."

Up and up the pokémon soared, unable to move. The boy stared up in terror. "What are you doing?!" he crie- shouted.

"OK, now drop it!" Jane ordered.

Ralts released its hold on the foe and the wurmple sailed to the ground.

"No!" excl- yelled the boy as he dived for his pokémon.

But he was a second too late. Wurmple hit the ground at full force with a sickening _SPLAT_ , spraying the boy's face with its innards.

Jane resisted the urge to vomit. The sight of the boy's frozen, gut-stained face was horrifying. "Uh… sorry… about your pokémon," she apologised lamely, before setting off on her journey once more. "Well, that was unexpected, huh, Ralts?"

" _Unexpected?!_ " screeched the boy. "You mean you didn't _expect_ a tiny bug pokémon that _cannot_ fly to simply _land_ perfectly and safely after soaring nearly a hundred feet high?!"

"But," Jane stammered, "but it's Pokémon!"


End file.
